Unlike us, you don’t have the benefit of having too much time on our hands and a data science team to back you up. So your betting strategy’s going to be different than mine. So how should you approach the funnest and easiest way to lose all your money?
Step 1: Listen to all the experts, but not for their picks. Sports giants like ESPN pay for the right to be informed as soon as an unforeseen circumstance takes place like an injury or a personal issue. If you don’t have that information you’re definitely at a huge disadvantage.
Step 2: Ignore all the expert picks. Picture the most famous sports analyst of all time, Steve A. Smith. The man is a living legend, entertaining as fuck, and a staple of analysis for many sports. But do you know his betting record over the last 10 years? Neither do I. So he could wrong 90% of the time or right 90% of the time – we have no idea. So why would you listen to someone with an unknown track record just because he’s on TV?
Step 3: Listen to all the experts with documented winning records. It’s nearly impossible to find the betting records of famous sports analysts or personalities because it’s damn near impossible to win more than lose, and most of these so called experts have losing records. So they don’t make their cumulative record public. Case in point, DraftKings just purged their previous sports betting picks and analysis so hard, it wasn’t even on the Internet Archives.
That doesn’t mean expert picks with losing records are useless. Maybe some analysts are good at predicting home games for the Lakers even if he or she is useless for all other teams and sports. So you got to pick and choose when to listen to who.
We’ve done that work for you and then some. We know who’s right when, and we combine that with the usual bullshit like player & team stats, sprinkle in a little Gut FeelTM*, and tell you who we think you should put your money on. And if you don’t trust our analysis, no problem. We summarize the picks from all the leading experts, so you don’t have to go 10 different websites and listen to 5 podcasts to get your information. Just go to our Prediction section and you’re all set.
Step 4: Bet against your friends, not against some corporation or casino**. It always feels better taking your friend’s money, or giving them some extra cash. And it always comes back in free beers or fun trash talk. Way more fun than clicking on bets from your mom’s basement. You can also throw out typical betting basics like not betting under the influence. If your friend’s also wasted, the odds are back to even and makes it more fun.
But the bigger reason is the open secret that Sports Books will ALWAYS give you worse odds than your buddies because the house takes a cut that’s baked into the betting lines. So if you don’t use them you’ll guaranteed to win more, or lose less.
Step 5: Don’t be a fucking moron. For God’s sake track your winnings and losses. If you’re losing all the time, maybe it’s time to switch up your strategy, bet less money, or don’t bet at all if your brain is wired to be dangerously addicted to gambling. And if you’re one of the few who win all the time, maybe you want to up your bankroll.
We made this free idiot proof bankroll management spreadsheet where you can input exactly how money you have, and it’ll tell you how much money you should bet. And it adjusts every time you make or lose money. And it’s an offline Excel sheet so we won’t have any of your private information.
Last Step: Buy Bitcoin whenever it crashes, hold 3 months of living expenses in cash, and buy your friends dinner. Those will probably give you a much better return on investment than some sports betting bullshit.
* No we didn’t trademark Gut Feel, but it would be funny if we did
**If it’s legal where you live
Yes there are more complicated strategies like betting value, when to parlay, shopping lines, but who gives a fuck. If you track your wins and losses with our sheet it’ll be clear very quickly what strategies work for you. And maybe we’ll cover those other topics in depth in the future.